So I’ll keep this short, but I’m migrating to a new writing project. Actual friends who want to know more, email me or ask me and I’ll point you to where I’m going. So long!
Why the Zombie...
If you know me at all, you probably are aware of how maddeningly obsessed I am with the “Zombie Apocalypse.” Almost to an unhealthy extent, as I have a established my zombie escape plan down to truly neurotic levels of meticulousness. Drop me in a gun store right now and I’ll be able to select
2012 Goals
This is going to be one of those posts that’s written more for my edification than your entertainment, but you’ll understand why it’ll be good for me to document this. So here goes. I’m not a fan of “New Year’s Resolutions.” Something about it doesn’t jive with me, mostly because resolutions are rooted in
Ramblings from a...
Albert Pujols never liked being compared to Stan “The Man” Musial. He would correct sportswriters who used the nickname “El Hombre” because it disrespected Stan Musial. But that’s the thing about Pujols, he has had a reputation for being humble. For being a quiet champion on and off the field with his foundation, and his
Can someone decipher...
Parking on the street in Chicago somehow enters you into a contract for strangers to put shit on your car anytime they want. I’ve gotten ads for pizza places, health insurance, lawn care, mortgages, and more. Yet—this is by far the most bizarre solicitation I have ever received. One of two things is happening here.
Comcast Sucks Giant...
I wanted to write a nice feel-good post(has there ever been one of those on here?) and talk about why I haven’t posted since I’ve been insanely busy watching baseball, rediscovering a post grad-school social life, working, keeping up with my triathlon training, AND working a not-so-secret eBook project (announcement coming in about a month
Linked In is...
LinkedIn sent me an asshole email today. Did anyone else get this? I swear this is word for word what it said. It read: Dear Jones, A happy Monday morning to you and go fuck yourself! This is a mean-spirited ass-o-gram email to remind you that you graduated college 4 years ago and you are
5 random stories...
Call me a cynic but every time I watch a movie, I have to second guess who is actually being painted as the hero or villain. Last night I stayed in to battle black plague sickness by valiantly watching X-Men First Class. I felt like I might have been the only one who saw the
5 Reasons It...
So as a follow up to my online dating post, I thought I’d clarify that I sometimes always write in hyperbole. Being single actually whoops ass. Here are five reasons why: 1. My free time is James-Franco efficient. The last time I was in an actual relationship—-back when computers were the size of living rooms,
Jones signs up...
Last week I signed up for online dating. After about a dozen or so nights of trudging out to the trixie-infested, 5-dollar-Coors-light, 200 decible-Katy-Perry-blasting-your-asshole-open, douchebag-swamps that marginally pass for bars with JungleBoy and JungleJane (graduated from TheFiance) which always ended with my whiskey-fueled bitch sessions in an after-hours taco restaurant about “HOW I’M GOING TO